


We're All Soldiers Now

by pudgeSnail



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Depression, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-22 00:25:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9573740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pudgeSnail/pseuds/pudgeSnail
Summary: This started out as a therapeutic outlet because good god I am so lonely. Self-insert OC falls in love with Soldier: 76 after joining overwatch.





	1. Chapter 1

I squeezed the strap of my duffel bag until my knuckles turned white, my heart pounding in my chest with fear as I followed Winston, the only member of the freshly re-assembled Overwatch I had met so far, down the long, dim hallway towards the meeting room. The whole of Overwatch was waiting for me. I stared at my feet as I walked, willing myself to keep my composure.

Winston had contacted me weeks before, informing me that with Overwatch having been reformed, they were in desperate need of capable fighters. I remember thinking how truly desperate he must have been to contact me. I was nothing, especially compared to some of the literal soldiers among their ranks. My skills were party tricks compared to theirs, but Winston assured me that I’d be a useful addition to the team.

I looked up as Winston paused briefly, and swallowed hard as he pushed the button to open the airlocked door. He looked back and smiled warmly as the door hissed quietly.

“Ready?” He asked, not waiting for an answer before turning and entering the blindingly-lit room.

I shielded my eyes with my hand for a moment, allowing them to adjust to the light, and followed him in. As I entered, all conversations within stopped; Winston coming to a stop before the long table where every member of Overwatch sat, watching me. I recognized some of them, of course. Lúcio Correia dos Santos, whose music I had danced to regularly, sat close to one end of the table, next to a girl wearing a pink crop top whose attention was focused solely on a handheld game system in her grip. Further down the table, Tracer beamed at me with all the excitement of a golden retriever ready to make new friends. Most of the others I didn’t know, however, and I could feel each of their eyes on me pointedly as I stopped next to Winston and turned to face the group. Some wore neutral expressions, some smiled, and more than one looked skeptical. I tried not to show any fear, but shook subtly nonetheless.

“D.Va? Hana, pay attention,” Winston said gently. The girl next to Lúcio flipped her game closed and looked up, blowing a bubble with her gum. Winston took on a more formal posture as he addressed the group. “As you all know, today we welcome Overwatch’s newest recruit into our ranks,” He gestured to me, and I stood up a little straighter. “This is Emily Dobson, codename Finch. She specializes in scouting, stealth infiltration, and silent incapacitation of enemies.” At this remark, I noticed one of the skeptical-looking members, a man dressed as a cowboy sporting an anachronistic metal arm, cock an eyebrow. To his left, an absolutely massive man with one milky pupil shifted slightly in his seat. To his right, a slim man only half-wearing what resembled a hakama crossed his arms, revealing an intricate tattoo snaking its way from his wrist to his shoulder and pec.

“She’s even smaller ‘n D.Va!” the cowboy called out, “She’s gotta be about 100 pounds soaking wet! How’re we supposed to put her on a battlefield?”

I stiffened, and without realizing it, blurted out a reply. “85.”

“ _Shit,”_ I thought to myself, “ _they’re gonna throw me out of here so fast it’ll make my head spin.”_

Suddenly all eyes were back on me. “Wh-What?” the cowboy asked, his eyebrows knitting in confusion.

“I’m… I’m 85 pounds, sir,” I mumbled. I heard a stifled giggle from Tracer, and I saw the huge man’s jaw drop. He looked back to Winston and spoke, his thick German accent readily apparent.

“Winston… are you sure this is a good idea? I know we need recruits, but…” he trailed off, eyeing me nervously.

“I’m with Reinhardt,” said the cowboy, “We don’t need any more losses this soon. I think-“

“Quiet.” The cowboy had been cut off sharply, and all eyes turned to the other end of the room. I hadn’t seen who had spoken, but everyone seemed to be looking beyond the table, towards the far wall. There, leaning against the wall, arms crossed, was Soldier: 76, formerly Watch Commander Jack Morrison. One of the few I recognized, I hadn’t realized he was missing from the assembly. He had aged considerably since he had been depicted on posters for the original Overwatch. His blonde hair had turned completely silver, and thin wrinkles had appeared on his forehead, interrupted by a jagged scar. He hadn’t lost his form, however; I could tell he was still well-muscled even through his thick leather jacket.

His voice was low and gravelly when he spoke again. “Give her a chance to show us what she’s got. If Winston recruited her, he recruited her for a reason.” Everyone silently accepted this idea, and a few nodded slightly as they turned their attention back to me. I attempted to silently acknowledge and thank 76, but his face was completely obscured behind his visor; I couldn’t see his eyes to make contact.

“A-hem. Yes, thank you, Jack,” Winston said as he adjusted his glasses, “Lord knows this team could use a little more stealth,” he said pointedly, eyeing the cowboy. “If that’s all, I’ll give everyone a chance to introduce themselves, and then I’ll show Ms. Dobson to her quarters.” My heart dropped to my stomach as several individuals rose from their chairs, keen to make acquaintances. Thankfully it seemed only to be those close in age to me, those I felt I could speak with more easily; the others stayed in their chairs and started back into conversations with each other, content to wait and let me choose to introduce myself.

D.Va, Lúcio, and Tracer introduced themselves jovially and encouraged me to call on them in case I needed any help. I felt reassured and my anxiety eased up a touch. D.Va could sense that I was still a bit uncomfortable, so she took me by the arm and led me around for introductions. There were so many of them, I knew I was going to have trouble keeping all their names straight. Of course, I would have no trouble with some of the most memorable, like Zenyatta and Bastion, the two purely robotic members of the group.

Once we reached the cowboy and the giant, I found myself standing a little straighter, as if attempting to make myself seem larger than my 5’1” frame. “Jesse, Reinhardt, this is Emily,” D.Va said sweetly. “Emily, this is Jesse McCree and Reinhardt Wilhelm.”

“Howdy, Finch,” Jesse drawled as he reached out his hand in greeting, “Sorry to be so skeptical of ya. Hope you don’t hold a grudge.” He grinned, looking a bit goofy, as I shook his hand.

“I apologize as well,” Reinhardt smiled sheepishly, reaching his hand out as well. I looked at his massive hand and back up at him, then down at my own hand. He noticed, and suddenly laughter boomed through the hall, startling me a bit with its sheer volume. “Don’t worry, _mädel_ , I don’t bite!” He clapped his hand on my back reassuringly, unknowingly knocking the breath out of me. I smiled up at him timidly and nodded.

“No, I understand,” I said, “I know I don’t look like much at first glance.”

After I had finally been introduced to all of the Overwatch members, D.Va escorted me back towards Winston. “Ready to get settled?” Winston asked warmly. I nodded and smiled, then turned to follow the gorilla as he lumbered towards the exit. Just as I was passing through the doorway, I felt a jolt of realization. There was one member I hadn’t met. I turned to look back at where he had been, but Soldier: 76 was nowhere to be found. I stood for a moment, contemplating, then turned and followed Winston through the door.


	2. Chapter 2

With an exhausted sigh, I dropped my duffel bag at the end of my new bed with a thud. I glanced around the room and sat on the edge of the bed. My new quarters were quite nice, sporting a living room, a kitchenette, a full bathroom, and a bedroom with a king-sized bed. It was a far cry from my studio apartment back in Cincinnati, for sure, but it was sterile. Nothing on the walls, no decoration, and no way to forget that you were in a quasi-military base equipped with blastproof doors and soundproof walls. That was the strangest part. If you sat still, it was so quiet your ears rang. I had always liked the quiet, but after a bit, the complete lack of sound became unnerving. It served to remind you how completely alone you were. I shook it off and turned to look at the rest of my luggage, which must have been brought by maintenance bots while I was in the meeting hall.

 _“I guess I should unpack,”_ I thought, eyeing the dresser and empty closet. I hefted my suitcases onto the bed and began to situate my belongings in their new home. At last I reached the bag containing my toiletries. I padded softly to the bathroom and began to organize. After a few minutes, I reached again into my toiletries bag, my hand brushing the cold plastic bottle hidden within; I paused at the soft rattle of the pills. I sighed and pulled out the bottle, turning it slowly in my palm as I frowned softly.

Antidepressants. Strong ones. Even with them I had my struggles, but they made life livable. I could keep the leftover depression more or less under wraps. I had been on them for years; so long, in fact that I couldn’t quite remember when they were prescribed. “ _Prescribed…”_ A sudden jolt went through my body. “ _Shit! How am I gonna get these refilled all the way out here? It’s not like there’s a pharmacy I can hop on over to!”_ I opened the bottle and nervously examined the contents, estimating that I had about two weeks’ worth of pills left. I would have to figure out a solution, and soon.

I glanced up into the mirror to see my own concerned face staring back at me. I was pale, with a few freckles dotting the bridge of my nose and cheeks. My chin-length auburn hair was pulled back into a short, high ponytail, with a couple stray strands escaping the hair tie framing my face. My deep brown eyes met their counterparts in the mirror. I frowned and looked away. I hated seeing myself like this, much less anyone else. I vaguely remembered being introduced to Mercy, the group’s doctor. “ _She might be my best bet…”_ I cringed at the idea of one of my teammates knowing my issues, but if I let the pills run out, it would become painfully obvious to everyone anyway. I set the pill bottle down next to the sink and ran a hand over my face, sighing loudly. I would deal with it in the morning. I quickly changed into a ratty t-shirt and some sweatpants, brushed my teeth, and flopped into bed. It didn’t take long for sleep to overtake me, and I didn’t stir again until morning.


	3. Chapter 3

My alarm jostled me awake at 7:00. It was still dark out, just before sunrise, which made getting out of bed difficult. I eventually sat up and stretched, glancing behind me. My tiny frame had been dwarfed by the king size bed, as evidenced by the still neatly made sheets on the other side. I wondered why I was given such a large bed; a memory of the gargantuan man I had met the night before flashed through my mind. “Must be standard issue, then…” I muttered.  
As I readied myself for breakfast, the quiet creeped in again, and the stark quality of my quarters was once more painfully obvious. I looked blankly around the room, and felt a twinge of loneliness. “Don’t be ridiculous, you just met a huge group of people. You’ll be fine.” I shook myself out of it and took a deep breath before heading to breakfast.

 

As I approached the dining hall, the chatter of casual conversation reached my ears. Maybe they wouldn’t turn all attention towards me when I entered if they were all already preoccupied. I slid through the door and glanced around quickly. Several tables were spread out throughout the room, pairs and trios of my comrades seated casually, eating breakfast at their leisure. Hana spotted me out of the corner of her eye and waved, smiling broadly. Lúcio, sitting next to her, followed her gaze and greeted me as well. I smiled slightly and waved back. Hana called out, “Emily! Come sit with us once you get some food!”. I nodded and grabbed my breakfast from the kitchen, my heart beating a little faster as I approached the table. I could hear Hana talking with Lúcio about a video game I hadn’t heard of. As I sat down, they stopped and greeted me warmly.  
“Mornin’!” Lúcio piped enthusiastically, “Sleep ok?”  
“Yeah,” I replied, slightly surprised someone I had only just met would ask, “Like a baby, actually. I was exhausted after all the travelling yesterday.” I took a few bites of egg, glancing around the room at the others as the three of us engaged in small talk. Soldier 76 was nowhere to be seen.  
I spent about twenty minutes with Hana and Lúcio, slowly growing more comfortable with them. Hana was younger than me at only 19, which surprised me; I was sure I’d be the youngest of the group at 22. Lúcio was excited to hear that I was already a fan of his music, and invited me to come check out some new tracks he was working on any time. I thanked him and assured him I’d be by. A moment of silence settled on us, and the thought in the back of my mind resurfaced. “Hey…” I started hesitantly, “Can you guys point me towards Mercy’s office?”  
A look of concern flashed across Hana’s face, “The medbay? Did the food make you feel sick already?”  
I laughed a bit, “No, no. I’m fine,” I assured her, “I just need to ask her about something. No biggie.”  
“Ok, good,” Hana said. She gave me directions to the medbay and told me I couldn’t miss it. I thanked her, said goodbyes, and headed in its direction.  
As I activated the door to the medbay, I stopped short. Past the door was a short hallway, leading to a large room resembling an ER. Inside, I could see two figures; one was Dr. Ziegler, and the other was Soldier: 76. His back was to me, and I couldn’t hear their conversation, but I could see the look of concern on Mercy’s face. Whatever they were talking about, it was serious. Over 76’s shoulder, the doctor caught sight of me standing in the hallway, and 76 noticed her shift in attention. He looked behind himself, directly at me; he wasn’t wearing his visor. My blood ran cold as his ice blue eyes fixed directly on mine, his face suddenly hardening, his scarred lips twisting into a small frown. He turned back to Dr. Ziegler and said something I couldn’t hear. Dr. Ziegler nodded, and 76 turned to leave. He strode right past me and through the door quickly, staring straight ahead the whole time. I stared at the door for a moment before a soft voice with a German accent brought me back to my senses.  
“You are called Finch, correct?” Mercy asked, approaching me by a few steps, “Is there something that you need?”  
I turned quickly to face her, and walked the rest of the way into the room. “I… I guess there is…” I said hesitantly, thumbing the pill bottle in my pocket.  
“Well, what is it? There is nothing to be ashamed of, child, I have seen everything,” she assured me.  
I hesitated only a moment longer, then brought the pill bottle out of my pocket and into view. “I… I’m going to need to have these refilled every once in a while,” I held the bottle out towards her, shifting my feet uncomfortably. “She’s a doctor,” I thought, scolding myself for being so embarrassed.  
Mercy took the bottle and looked over the prescription label carefully. I saw a slight raise in her eyebrows, barely even there, as her eyes reached the dosage information. She took a notepad out from her lab coat pocket and quickly jotted something down, then handed the pill bottle back to me, smiling softly. “I can fill this for you, but not right now. It is not something I… usually stock here,” She said, tiptoeing around the issue, “I will certainly order it, but it will take a few days,” she explained.  
I nodded, “No problem,” I said, relieved she hadn’t asked for any more details. “Will you let me know when it’s in?”  
“Of course, I will send a message to your communications unit,” She said.  
I smiled lightly and thanked her, turning to leave. As I made my way back to my room, I couldn’t help but wonder what that conversation had been about and why Soldier: 76 seemed so disturbed by my presence. Hadn’t he been the one to defend me at my introduction? I remembered the steely blue stare and shivered a bit as I opened my door.


	4. Chapter 4

The next few days passed uneventfully. I spent my time getting to know my teammates, though I spent the most time with Hana. She was closest in age to me, after all. We bonded over playing video games in her cluttered room, lit up by rainbow LEDs from her computer.

              On the eve of my 5th day at Watchpoint: Gibraltar, the call came in on the comms system; meeting hall, ASAP. Winston informed us that Talon activity had been reported at a previously abandoned base nearby, and it was time to move out. The activity report had been vague, so the objective was information gathering.

“Jack, Tracer, and Hanzo, you’ll all be taking point on this one,” I could feel the gorilla’s eyes settle on me as he spoke, “Finch, since you’re the infiltration expert, you’ll be going with them.”

I felt my stomach tighten uneasily, but I didn’t let it show on my face, and I nodded once. “Understood.”

Soldier: 76 stood and started towards the door. “Meet at transport in ten minutes,” he said, sounding like a true commander. I rose and rushed back to my room to prepare.

Once I had changed, I eyed myself in the floor-length mirror on my wall. It had been a while since I had been suited up, but everything still fit right. I wore a black form-fitting tactical stealth suit, equipped with various pockets and pouches for all my gear. Around my neck was a wide, black scarf to hide the majority of my face, the ends of which resembled the wings of a bird. I turned slightly and frowned, wishing the suit didn’t have to be _this_ form-fitting; but it did. Too much fabric would create noise that could reveal my position to the enemy. I checked the clock and headed down towards transport.

When I arrived, the others were already sitting in the armored transport vehicle, and I climbed in without a word. I shut the heavy door behind me and we took off. I sat across from Tracer, whose eyes lit up at the sight of me. “Oooh, Love, your outfit is stunning! Black is so flattering on you!” She chirped, smiling ear to ear. “I can’t wait to see you in action. Say, what’s in all those little pouches? I’m dying to know.” She spoke quickly and energetically, reminiscent of the way she darted around the battlefield.

I laughed a little and began to show her the contents of each of the pouches. “Smoke bombs, flash bangs, sleep darts…” She looked like a kid in a candy store as I spoke. “Most of my methods are non-lethal,” I explained, “but not all of them. I only use this in a pinch,” I raised my right arm slightly and bent my wrist to the side, triggering a concealed knife to shoot out from its hiding place on my forearm, clearly lethal to whoever was on the receiving end.

Tracer’s eyes widened and she continued to chatter on, asking about my tactics and the like. I glanced up next to her and noticed that Hanzo had stopped tending to his bow when I revealed the knife, his eyebrows slightly raised. 76 remained silent as he drove.

 

 

Once we arrived at the mission site, we all exited the transport vehicle and grouped up beside it. 76 faced us, arms crossed as he spoke, “We don’t know what we’re getting into yet. Hanzo, Tracer and I will take up positions to the North, while you,” I felt a flutter in my chest as he turned his gaze to me, “scout ahead. We’ll wait for your information before we move. Understood?” Everyone nodded and looked to me. I nodded and pressed a button on my wrist, activating the adaptive camouflage in my suit. It used real-time data to match with my surroundings, making me extremely difficult to spot.

I dashed off quickly towards the abandoned base, scaling the outer wall and perching atop it, surveying the surroundings. There were two guards at the North entrance, two at the South entrance, several small groups of Talon agents working inside on what seemed to be a salvage mission. I watched them as they cut certain pieces off of old, decommissioned mechs with acetylene torches and toss them into crates. I placed a finger on my comms unit in my ear and whistled, perfectly mimicking common bird calls. The calls I used were specific, and my teammates had been briefed on them when I arrived. The calls I chose indicated how many agents, their positions, and how heavily armed they were. The Talon agents below were none the wiser, as bird calls were simply part of the usual background noise.

76’s voice crackled over the comms, “Understood. Start a distraction and we’ll move in.” I reached down to one of my pouches, flicked it open, and pulled out a smoke bomb. I hit the button on the side, and it started beeping, signaling the countdown. I lobbed the bomb lazily into the middle of the largest group, and watched the scene unfold.

The smoke bomb landed directly next to one agent, and he noticed immediately. “What-“ He was cut off by a sharp hiss, and smoke started to billow out of the canister. Mass confusion quickly took over, and my three teammates rushed in. Tracer began to blink around, taking out several agents in quick succession. Hanzo scaled a tower of crates and began shooting from that position. 76 sprinted in and began to mow down agents with his pulse rifle. I quickly darted to a new position inside, closer to the scuffle. I quickly downed a couple of agents with sleep darts from my small pistol. We were gaining control of the situation slowly, when I spotted him out of the corner of my eye.

76 had failed to notice a Talon agent sneaking up behind him, a grave mistake. The agent now had the barrel of his gun pressed squarely against the back of 76’s head. He was as still as stone, and I could hear the agent yelling threats. Hanzo and Tracer were still fending off multiple enemies and couldn’t assist. I prayed for the efficacy of my adaptive camo and dropped silently to the floor. I crept up behind the two, my heart skipping a beat as it looked like the Talon agent was going to shoot. Finally I reached them, and took a breath. In one movement, I wrapped my left arm around the enemy agent’s neck, constricting hard, and forced my right wrist up to meet his back; my wrist twitched to the side and the concealed knife entered him like butter. He gave a strangled yelp and crumpled to the ground. 76 spun around, unsure of what had happened. I deactivated my adaptive camo just long enough for him to understand, and nodded shortly. After a moment, he returned the nod, not yet having regained his composure completely. I reactivated the camo and darted off, though I could feel 76’s gaze drilling into me for several more seconds.

After the mission, while loading back into transport, neither of us said anything to our other two teammates. I suspected 76 wouldn’t appreciate his mistake being broadcasted by either of us.

Safely back at base, I removed my scarf, welcoming the fresh air on my face. Hanzo and Tracer strode past me, headed towards their quarters to shower, I assumed. I was about to do the same when I heard a low voice behind me. “Finch.”

I turned. It was Soldier: 76, still standing just inside the transport bay door, still wearing his visor. He hesitated for a moment, and I felt that same flutter in my chest. I opened my mouth to speak, but was cut off.

“Thanks.”

I blinked and nodded. “Of course.” His face was impossible to read through the mask, but I sensed that his expression was softer than usual. I turned and left, gripping the scarf tightly in my hands.


	5. Chapter 5

Four days after the mission, I awoke in the middle of the night with a familiar knot in my chest. I groaned and rubbed my eyes; I could feel a depressive episode coming a mile away. The dim red light of my clock read 3:12 AM. I rolled over, pulling the covers tight around me, and tried to get back to sleep. By the time the clock read 4:00 AM, I knew that wasn’t going to work. I sat up and ran a hand through my hair, sighing. “ _Didn’t expect one so soon…”_ I mused as I got up and made my way to the living room of my quarters, hugging my arms to my chest, my hands gripping the fabric of my T-shirt over my shoulder blades. I stood there for a moment, looking around the room as the quiet once again made my ears ring. I gritted my teeth angrily and spun towards the door, leaving my quarters.

I wandered the halls of the Watchpoint for nearly a half hour before I happened upon a small sign on the wall reading “ROOF ACCESS” with an arrow signaling the way. This peaked my interest. “ _It_ is _only August… It’s probably still warm out… Who am I kidding, the door’s probably locked anyway._ ” But as I stood there, I couldn’t shake the temptation to check, just in case. After a moment, I decided to check it out; I followed the arrows for several minutes until I came to a door at the end of a short hallway. The door had a sign simply reading “ROOFTOP”. I reached out and gently tapped the control panel to the right, and to my surprise, the door opened right up. Inside was nothing more than a flight of stairs, and I wasted no time in ascending them. At the top of the stairs was another door, which also opened without issue.

As soon as the door slid open, the smell of the warm night air hit me, sweet and earthy. I stood still for a moment, eyes closed, taking it in. I was right, it was still warm, but only just enough; I might have been better off with more on than a T-shirt and sweat pants, but it was fine for now. I padded out silently onto the roof, looking up at the sky as I did. It was a cloudless night, and I could see more stars than I had ever been able to back home. Being so far away from the rest of civilization had its perks, I guessed. I reached the edge of the rooftop and leaned against the thick metal railing, gazing down hundreds of feet below the rocky cliff side; the sound of the crashing waves was quiet from here, but its ebb and flow was soothing.

I sat on a large metal box, part of the structure of the roof behind me, and gazed up at the stars. In that moment, I felt like I was the only person in the world, and it ached deep inside. Being outside at night had always made me want to run away, for reasons I could never identify. But I could. I could go back to my room, pack my bags, and be gone by morning. I’d never have to look back. No matter how kind my teammates had been to me over the past week and a half, and no matter how much I wanted to connect with them, I knew it would never happen. I could go through all the motions of friendship easily, but there was a wall. A wall around myself that I could never break through to reach others. I don’t know where it had come from or why, but I felt utterly and completely alone, even in a room full of people. What could running possibly do to help?

I closed my eyes as tears welled up within them. There had been a few people over the course of my life to break through the wall, of course, but all of them were long gone. They were all still alive, but each had eventually drifted away from me over time. It had given me abandonment issues. I wiped my eyes and curled my knees to my chest, burying my face in them and letting myself cry silently. “ _Why am I like this…_ ” I asked myself the same question every time I had an episode, but never found an answer. It was getting old.

I heard the click and soft rush of air from the door, and my head shot up from my knees. “ _Who-!?”_ I darted reflexively behind a large vent structure on the roof before the figure in the doorway could see me. What I would have given to be wearing my stealth suit just then. I wiped my eyes and heard soft footsteps heading towards the railing at the edge of the roof. A gravelly sigh reached my ears, and I immediately identified it as Soldier: 76’s.

I peered carefully around the vent. There he was, leaning against the railing, just as I had been earlier. He was wearing only a white T-shirt, pale blue boxers, and his thick leather jacket. His posture looked exhausted and spent, a far cry from his usual upright, assertive demeanor. He rested his head in one hand, rubbing his forehead lightly. I averted my eyes; it was wrong to see the watch commander like this. “ _If I could just make it to the door without him seeing me, I could—_ “ my thoughts were cut off suddenly by a low voice.

“Finch,” He called quietly, “I know you’re back there.”

The hair on the back of my neck stood up. “ _How did he know?”_ I stepped out from behind the vent gingerly, worried I might get chewed out for being on the roof. My eyes met his gaze. “ _God, he is tired…”_ I thought. His face was relaxed, but frowning. He looked like he had been up for days. Maybe he had. He beckoned me over with a quick tilt of his head. I walked over, wishing I had on more than I did, embarrassed at myself, but 76 wasn’t looking at me. He was staring straight ahead out into the darkness, his face illuminated only by the moon and the stars.

After what felt like an eternity, he broke the silence, “What are you doing up here?” His voice was soft, and I could tell he wasn’t going to punish me. I relaxed a bit and fumbled with the edge of my shirt.

“I uh… I couldn’t sleep, Sir,” I answered frankly. “I didn’t even think the doors to the roof would be open…”

He grunted softly in acknowledgement, eyes never moving from the horizon. I turned to the railing and gripped it with my hands uneasily as the silence settled over us. “ _Why isn’t he saying anything..?”_ I thought. Every minute felt like an hour, but I didn’t feel like I could just leave. After standing in silence for what must have been ten minutes, a cool breeze drifted through the air, and I shivered reflexively. For the first time since he had called me over, 76’s eyes snapped from the horizon to me. His face turned towards me only slightly, as if surprised I was cold.

I didn’t dare look at him. His eyes were too piercing, and I knew I’d say something stupid to get myself into trouble if I looked. I kept my eyes locked straight ahead. He straightened up suddenly, and a wave of relief washed over me. “ _Thank god, he’s leaving…”_ I closed my eyes for a moment, but they quickly snapped back open as I felt something being draped around my shoulders. It was heavy, and smelled faintly of cologne. I gripped the lapels reflexively to keep it from falling off and turned around in disbelief. But it was too late. As my eyes found his figure in the near-dark, he was already passing through the door to go back inside. I looked down at the garment. It was his leather jacket, all right. A million thoughts rushed through my head and I could feel my cheeks begin to flush. For a moment, I felt the familiar flutter in my chest before the hollow ache reasserted itself.

 I went back to where I had been sitting earlier and plopped down, the jacket still draped across my shoulders. It would have felt wrong to put my arms in the sleeves, like I would be taking more than I had been offered, so I simply held it around my slight frame. The smell that drifted faintly off it was comforting. I looked up at the stars again and sat for a while longer, but this time no tears came.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning I awoke, bleary-eyed, to a ray of sun streaming through a gap in my blinds. I rolled over with a groan and checked the clock. It was almost one o’clock in the afternoon; I always slept late when I was depressed. I yawned and rubbed my eyes when, out of my peripheral vision, something caught my eye at the foot of my bed. There lay Soldier: 76’s leather jacket, tossed unceremoniously the night before in a haze of exhaustion. I blinked. It took me a moment to remember what had happened the night before. Getting caught on the roof, being draped in the jacket; it seemed like a dream. I reached out and gingerly grabbed one of the sleeves, rubbing it between my thumb and index finger as if testing to see if it was real. It was. Why had he given it to me so nonchalantly?

“ _I guess I should return it,”_ I thought. I ran a hand through my hair and decided I ought to shower first. I got up and draped the jacket around the back of my desk chair, then headed off to the bathroom. I showered and dressed, letting my thin hair air dry. I pulled it up into a ponytail and gave myself a once-over in the mirror.

“ _Gross…”_ I felt the self-contempt well up in me like black ichor. I glowered at my nose, crooked from an accidental run-in with a wall when I was twelve. My legs were too skinny and I was slightly knock-kneed. My breasts were too small for my liking, and I had gotten teased for being flat-chested when I was younger. “ _He was right… I’m worthless…”_ I brought my face closer to the mirror and got the overwhelming urge to pick at my skin. It was a terrible, self-destructive habit of mine; I could stand there for an hour and pick at my skin until my whole face was red and bloody. I looked myself in the eyes, finding them angry and cold. The light had been chased out of them long ago. I broke away from my own gaze and looked to the reflection of the jacket. “ _Stop it. Go return the jacket,”_ I thought. I turned from the mirror and grabbed the jacket, folding it quickly and heading out the door.

I walked quickly through the halls of the watchpoint. Everyone seemed to be off on their own, which I was thankful for. I wasn’t sure I would be able to answer why I had the jacket. I stopped in front of Soldier: 76’s door and raised my hand to the buzzer, straightening up a bit before I pushed it. There was no response for a moment, but eventually the door slid open with a soft hiss.

Soldier: 76 stood in the doorway, clad in his usual getup, minus the visor and jacket. He looked down at me, familiar stern expression having replaced the softened, exhausted one from the night before. I realized just how tall he was as he towered over me; he had at least a foot on me. His broad shoulders nearly filled the entire doorway. My eyes met his and he spoke, “Finch?” It was a question, but it sounded like a statement. His stern gaze was unwavering.

I piped up, keeping my composure, “Sir, I just wanted to return your jacket.” I held it out to him. “It… It was nice of y—“

“You’re going to catch a cold out there on the roof without a jacket,” He said in a low, gravelly voice, “What are we supposed to do if you’re out of commission for a week just because of that?” He took the jacket from me and slid it on.

My mouth hung open slightly and my eyes widened. The sudden curtness surprised me. It was a far cry from his attitude last night. I almost felt hurt. “I… Sir, I didn’t mean to—“

He crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway. His voice softened a bit as he spoke, “You’re fine to be out there, just put on a coat.” His eyes flicked down and back up. “Did you need anything else?”

I blinked and closed my mouth. “N-no sir. Thank you again.” I turned and started down the hall, shoving my hands in my pockets. I felt 76’s eyes on my back the whole way.

It wasn’t until I was almost to the cafeteria that I realized I was clenching my jaw. I stopped and leaned against the wall, taking a deep breath. “ _What the fuck?”_ I thought, rubbing a hand over my face. I felt weirdly hurt. He had acted so different last night, so unguarded. But today, he was so harsh. “ _That’s how a watch commander is supposed to act, stupid. But why would he let me see him vulnerable in the first place?”_ I groaned. “ _Ugh, whatever…”_ I shook it off and headed to the cafeteria to find something to eat.

 

 -----

 

Back in his room, Soldier: 76 shut the door behind him. He raised one of the lapels of his jacket to his face and inhaled softly, closing his eyes. He sighed deeply and shook his head. My scent was faint, but it was there.


End file.
